


Darker Until the End

by AshenStardust



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Female!Reader - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Made up mechanics/lore, POV Second Person, Sex, Smut, Takes place during Discovery, Telepath!Reader, but only slightly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:46:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28416339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshenStardust/pseuds/AshenStardust
Summary: The Reader and Pike have been connected for some time. Their bond is tested as they leave the Enterprise for the first time in a long time.
Relationships: Christopher Pike/Reader
Kudos: 15





	Darker Until the End

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas to my very best friend <3 .  
> Thanks for putting up with me for a whole other year. Lets do it again!

Why did you take a position on a spaceship when you feared space? It was a question you asked yourself any time you remembered you were in space. The answer was simple. You hadn’t had a choice. There were plenty of species sensitive to telepathy. None were as powerful as you. Starfleet pushed you through the academy and when your knowledge was passable, they assigned you to your first starship. You fell in love with its captain.

You had followed Pike from the Enterprise to Discovery and you were not in for a warm welcome. Pike was forced to go into his past. His character. But you were a stranger and unwelcome in the face of history on the ship. This crew had been mortally wounded and they had stitched their wounds with each other.

Time passed. An amount of unknowable time in the depths of space and soon enough the crew began to trust Pike and befriend you. You weren’t bored. An active starship kept everyone busy and you had to maintain a proximity to Pike while fulfilling your own duties and avoiding disaster.

Disaster was commonplace on the Discovery. More so than on the Enterprise which was a feat you never expected to have surpassed. The current disaster was eight different disasters that were finally converging on themselves.

Your main concern was the humanoid made of red light that had sworn you to secrecy. That and the fact that Michael was not brining Spock to you. You were stuck, instead, on the bridge as Pike worked out a way to follow Michael without Section 31 catching on.

You stood abruptly. Your frustration caused restlessness and you walked off the bridge. Surprisingly Saru followed. You pulled him into a room nearby where you could not be overheard. He was going to confront you on something, better now than later. “Lieutenant, are you alright?”

“Do you know what it’s like to be telepathically connected to another person?” You kept your tone even. Saru did not deserve to be on the receiving end of your foul mood.

“I cannot say I do.” No. You both knew the answer to your question. Few on Discovery knew what it was to be more than one unique individual. Fewer still would understand choosing such a fate.

“Chris- Captain Pike and I have been one and the same for six years until that red,” you lowered your voice to a hiss, “fucking humanoid appeared to me.” Your hands clenched to fists at your sides and you refrained from punching something, anything. “I have lost him, and I feel as though I have lost myself, and the crew, with him.”

“You have not lost him, nor us.” You scoffed but Saru continued. “Have you talked to him about your feelings?”

“He will not let me in.”

You watched Saru’s eyes narrow and he stood over you in a way that was nearly menacing. “Have you used your words, lieutenant?” He took your silence as his answer. “When this is over, I will ensure you are able to talk with the captain privately.”

Saru was quick to leave once he felt his point had been made. You caught his arm. “Thank you.” Saru nodded, solemn, and left you to return to the bridge. They would wonder at your absence, but you could not bring yourself to face them, him, quite yet. You stayed in the room for too long and occupied your mind by filling out paperwork on your PADD.

Your name rang from the communication speaker in the room. Pike was requesting you to the bridge and, as you were still on duty, you had no choice but to comply. You entered the bridge to find Leland being displayed. You reached out to his mind. It was much closer than Pike was hoping.

You looked to Pike who inclined his head. He wanted your advice. An unknown telepath interrupted before you could sift through the information available to you. You groaned, fighting back, and your legs buckled beneath you. They were strong, and there was more than one. They infiltrated your mind by force and compelled you allow whatever Leland was trying to accomplish.

For a heartbeat you saw her. Vina. The ache in your heart was so great you passed out before the Talosians were done with you. You had not forgotten meeting them three years prior. You had not forgotten their strange way of interacting with beings that could repopulate the planet. You had not forgotten the connection they had forged between Vina and Pike.

The memory brought you panic and with it consciousness. You woke with your heart thundering in your chest. You were short of breath and confused and your mind reached out to look for safety. Your safety was close, at your side, and his hands reached out to encourage you to lie down once more as your eyes adjusted to wakefulness.

Your telepathic field danced around the edges of his sentience and he allowed you entrance. Your taxed mind was put to ease even as you witnessed your attempt to wipe the minds of every crew member aboard Discovery. Agonizing psychic pain permeated throughout the ship before the Talosians finally realized their error and set your mind free.

You looked up at Pike. His hands still held you gently to the bed. “I’m sorry,” you tried to find better words, but none came. “I’m sorry.”

“You came back to me. That’s all that matters.”

You sensed his guilt but refused to step further into his mind. Wait. Came back to him? “How long was I gone?”

Pike sat down and moved his hands, so he was still touching you. “You were out for a month. Honestly we don’t know why you’re back now.”

You said his name in warning. Doctor Pollard was nowhere to be found, nor any other doctor or nurse. “What is happening to me?” Pike felt so real. As grounding as he had always been. 

“You’re experiencing a psychic storm, and the crew doesn’t know how to get you out.” His hand grasped yours and there was an urgency in his eyes alongside fear. 

“They don’t know how, or they don’t want to help?” You’d attempted to wipe their minds. You felt their psychic agony. That had been real. In this moment Pike was real and he was communicating with you. After what you did you could not imagine they were looking forward to welcoming you back.

Pike leveled you a look and you could feel his distaste at your blatant accusation. “We will find a way to bring you back.” He squeezed your hands. “Spock thinks you might have an easier time finding a way back on your own.”

You sat up on the bed. Medbay warped around you and you knew Pike would be leaving soon. “I have seen you both expect a future where you are no longer fit for Starfleet and return to her.”

Pike furrowed his brow. Vina would always be your impasse. She would always be the reason why you were nothing more to Pike. “No.” His voice was firm, and you had forgotten for a moment that your minds were connected. You cringed as he filtered through your mind. “How could you-?” He let go of your hands and stood. The space between you could have been opposite ends of the universe.

His visage faded as you forced him out of your mind. Any longer and the psychic storm would flay him. “I have always loved you.” Those were his last words before the storm took you again. Only… Now your mind was separate from the surrounding psychic chaos. 

You scowled. His words had flummoxed you so thoroughly that you desynched from your own sickness. Asshole. Your telepathic field snapped into place around your mind and the storm raged stronger as it lashed out against death. It couldn’t kill you outright and it could no longer sustain itself.

You woke, startled, as your mind floundered to the surface of reality. You were unseeing, nearly deaf to the commotion around you, for minutes. Your telepathic field snapped out, then in, until it relaxed to a pulse. Pike’s consciousness was open beside you and you relied on his perception to balance your mind.

“Philippa,” you greeted with a groan. Your eyes finally focused, and you found you were surrounded by Section 31. Their doctors, their officers. Pike stood out among them, but your eyes did not settle on him. Not until he was pulling you toward him.

He had a desperation you did not understand. One of his arms wrapped around your shoulders while the other buried fingers in your hair. He pulled you in until your lips met. You froze, but with his mind connected to yours no one could tell. You kissed him back. You felt your absence from his mind like an open wound.

“I meant what I said,” he breathed as he pulled away from you.

You looked around at the too interested Section 31 staff. “You’re going to have to say it again.” You scrunched your nose a bit. He appeared to relax at your words. His grip on you loosening and the worry in his eyes fading to something akin to fondness.

He spoke to you telepathically as Philippa pulled you away. He showed you the depth of his devotion and in his mind, you wondered how you had never seen it before. Where? Why were they taking you away from him?

“Your psychic attack left everyone aboard the Discovery weakened. You cannot bring him with you for this.” Philippa’s grip on your turned almost savage as she forced your mind to the present reality. Your connection to Christopher dissipated and you felt regret resonate from both sides.

“What are you going to do to me?” You were fearful of Sector 31. They were as likely to lobotomize you as anything else.

“I am going to run diagnostics that the Discovery are not capable of,” Philippa explained as she strapped you into a new and terrifying machine. “I’m not going to kill you. Far too useful.”

You scoffed but you did believe her. You imagined the diagnostics pertained to the psychic storm and potential protection from psychic attack. The machine whirred to life and you felt nothing probing at your consciousness nor at your telepathic field. The whole thing was over in half an hour.

She unstrapped you from the machine but held you in the room a moment longer. You found your telepathic field could not stretch beyond those four walls. “I do not like being in debt,” she informed you.

You tilted your head in confusion. “I-“ you floundered for a moment, “am not one to dole debt.” Whatever debt she owed; it was not with you.

“Yet I am in yours regardless.” She was at least as upset by it as you. You met her gaze once more and saw she was expecting something from you.

“I promise you this debt you feel you have incurred does not exist, and I would like to return to Discovery, please.” You stared at each other for a moment before she let you free. You turned to the opened door and saw Pike on the other side. Even without connecting to his mind you could tell he was in Captain mode. He took sure strides toward you, but his attention was on the equipment and Philippa. 

Philippa gave you a look that suggested there was more between you and Pike than you realized. “For someone who shares a brain it pains me that you are this oblivious.”

You laughed lightly and ignored Christopher’s confusion. Your minds were linked again and you both wanted to be on Discovery. Section 31 had no further use for you, and you were led to the transport room to return to Discovery. 

The transport room of the Discovery was crowded. The crew looked much the same as you left them. Some even greeted you with smiles and everyone felt relieved. They were all quiet and you felt the need to say something. “I am very sorry for the pain I caused.” 

Saru took sure strides toward you. “Nonsense,” he assured you and grabbed your hands. You felt some of your own tension dissipate as Saru led you out of the transporter room and into the halls of Discovery. 

As soon as your attention shifted Pike went to reassuring his crew and taking command. They had places to be and he had neglected Starfleet’s mission for a month too long. You stayed connected to Pike even as Saru led you, you realized, toward your quarters. 

You pulled your hand from Saru and stopped walking. “I’m fine really.”

He turned and gave you a disapproving look. “There is someone waiting to see you.”

Oh. Confusion marred your features as you caught up to Saru and continued to follow him. Who could possibly be-? Your question was answered as the door to your room opened. You stepped through as saw Spock sitting on your bed. Your telepathic field snapped forward and cool logic washed over you.

Saru left you there to return to duty and there was a long moment where Spock stared at you. You could barely decipher what he was thinking. “You owe me a hug,” you reminded him. It was easier than trying to flit through emotion.

“I am aware of my debts, lieutenant,” he said as he stood and soon enough you were consumed by his embrace. It had been months and you missed him greatly. He hugged you at your pace and you let go of him after far longer than necessary.

“I’m glad you are well.” You looked him over. He looked strong, alive. You sat on your bed and Spock filled you in on the next disaster awaiting Discovery. “Remember when we charted stars and made bets about what plants would react to my telepathic field?” you asked almost sullenly.

“This is no different.” He sounded concerned.

“This is too much, and it is going to kill us,” you argued.

“It is a risk we must accept as Starfleet officers.” That was the wrong thing to say and Spock knew it as soon as the words left his mouth.

You stood, prepared to leave instead of yell, but Spock caught your wrist. Pike’s concern trickled toward you, but you hardly recognized it. “This was not my choice,” Your voice was deadly and low. “None of this has ever been my choice.”

Rage seethed under your skin, and despite being at the brunt of it, Spock did not let you go. His consciousness pressed against yours firmly, but you did not want to be placated. You did not want the safety of logic. You wanted to scream. You wanted to tear Discovery apart at the seams and suffocate in the vacuum of space. 

Frigid alarm cooled some of your hate as both Spock and Pike took in your vision of destruction. The truth of it and the danger. Pike was in the room faster than you thought possible. He must’ve run because he was huffing for breath. He moved Spock out of the way to crouch before you.

“Out.” Spock began to say something, but Pike wasn’t interested. “Out,” Pike commanded once again, and this time Spock did leave. He let you go with regret and you heard the door lock behind him. “What did he do?” Pike sounded fond, not upset, as he looked over his shoulder to the door.

“Suggested that it is our duty to die for Starfleet.”

Pike took your face in his hands. “I am certain he did not.” You pursed your lips, but Pike was kissing you before you could say anything. He softened you, distracted you, with the embrace. Your bodies lowered on the bed. Pike’s desire compounded upon your own. Every small touch, every look, every night spent in each other’s quarters. It had taken years, but you were both finally where you wanted to be with each other.

It had always been enough to be near. It had always been enough to accept each other – to share one mind. “Do you want this?” Pike asked. He pulled back to look at you. His mind taking the same direction as yours.

You reached up to cradle his face in your hands. You held him for a heartbeat before pushing your fingers through his hair. “I want you,” you assured him. There were doubts. You both had doubts, but you interrupted escalation by pulling your shirt off. Your pants went next.

Pike groaned as he looked at you. He had never witnessed you in this state of undress. His mouth descended upon yours once more, but he didn’t linger. He kissed and tasted his way down your body. He hooked his fingers in your panties and pulled them off. You squirmed underneath him and he spread your thighs with his large hands.

You tugged on his hair, forcing his attention back to your face. “Pike, please.” He seemed to understand your urgency. He sat back and took his shirt off. You sat up too. Your hands ghosted across his torso. He was beautiful. Utterly transcendent. He was yours.

Your hands grabbed at his waist and you pulled him to you. He looked at you curiously, expecting you to kiss him, and made the most pleasant noise when you bit him. In your defense, you hadn’t bitten him hard. You kissed up the column of his neck and met his lips again. He kissed you deeply and his hands kept your hips securely attached to his.

His pants were annoyingly in the way and you unbuckled and unzipped them. You pulled them down as far as they would go given his position on the bed and you made sure to tug his underwear down with it. He grabbed your hands as you tried to move them and positioned you on your back. Your arms planted on either side of your head.

You looked up at him with desire and realized your telepathic field still engulfed most of the ship. You pulled it near - to go no farther than the room. In your distracted state Pike had taken himself in hand and guided his hard length to your core. You felt him drag your wetness along your folds and he waited until your eyes met before thrusting in.

Your groan was almost a scream. He stretched you in ways you’d only dreamed of. His hips stayed flush to yours as you both recovered from the mental feedback of your telepathy. “Chris.” His name left you lips in content, bringing you both back to the moment. You never called him by his first name. Never. 

Those doubts from before still could not settle as he set a rough pace. He was chasing his pleasure and yours. Your back arched into him as his fingers found your clit and he sucked bruises along your neck and collarbone. He would mark you, make you his, ensure you could not question his feelings for you. 

You chanted his name and your fingers turned to claws on his shoulders as he brought you to your peak. Your orgasm rippled through you and you shouted. The noise devolved into a litany of moans and your near-overwhelming pleasure pushed Pike to his end. He stilled inside you as your walls milked him. His moan joined yours as he settled more of his weight atop you.

Contentment filled the room. Your fingers smoothed through his hair and you relished the feeling of him lying on top of you. His cock softened but he did not move. Neither of you wanted to move. Ending the moment would lead to disaster. You could taste it in the air as surely as you could this momentary peace.

Eventually, though, time reigned supreme. You cradled his face gently in your hands and he raised his eyes to meet yours. “I cannot do this anymore,” you admitted.

He smiled sadly at you. He did not want you to go, and you did not want to leave him. You could not live aboard a starship any longer. You were not fit for nonterrestrial life. Although you sometimes preferred it, you were not fit for a life where your choices were taken from you either.

“Stay with me, till the end?” he requested. Fuck. He was so damn earnest, and you knew instantly that once the end was upon you, he would let you go. 

You nodded. Of course. Of course, you would stay with him. He could demand you stay forever, and you would not have the strength to deny him. You would not want to deny him. “till the end, my love,” you promised.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos appreciated :) .


End file.
